Heart Autotomy

When I find myself without her

I feel overtaken by the image of a lizard who has lost its tail

What is this?

Am I the tail that struggles to live and reconnect

Or the lizard that runs away full of shame, to die silently?

Beloved, stay in your place

I am walking my path
an arduous path
sometimes I take a break
I take a breath
I contemplate the beauty outside
and I see you
walking your own path
I find joy noticing
our parallel journeys
In the distance they seem to  merge
like the tracks of the railroad in our forest
or the two streams of water coming down the mountain
there is an illusion that they merge.
our blessing is that
they don't

My beloved. stay in your place
I promise I will stay on my path
I can only love you
if we don't get distracted
I promise you
I will not get distracted by your attraction
I will serve my path
I will revere my struggle
I will welcome my challenge
If now and then I look around
to the beauty of all of us
I will delight seeing you
in your place
discerning your battles
fighting your demons
overcoming a great challenge
before a greater one

No one shall tell you where your place is
yet, stay there so I can keep on loving you

I will stay in my place,

the spark of our Love.

Your absence

Your absence

In communion with your soothing presence

I am in love

In communion with your painful absence

I am in love

Your love

Your love

Sometimes you say that you love me

To me that is conclusive evidence of you going mad

If it ever makes sense for you to love me

please don't

Obituary

   Obituary

RIP Love (2008-2010)

It is a clear and sunny morning

Here in Santa Cruz

I head down to the mall

For my routinary

Cup of coffee

How mundane!

She broke up with me last night

She kissed me one more time

My last kiss

I cried to immutable ears

I begged to her and to God

How Pitiful!

The coffee is hot

I forget to put sugar in it

A homeless wizard

Leaves a crumpled paper on the counter

The obituaries section

How disrespectful!

I pick up the paper and take to my table

I read all the names

About twelve of them

My name is not here

No one died of love

How banal!!

Maybe I am alive

Maybe I can love again

Is this just a dream?

The break up or the morning?

How confusing!

How promising!

 Ah-bliss


Ah-bliss
If I ever die
the last aroma
I want to smell
before the freshly varnished pine
is the Copal of our ceremonies


Ah-bliss
If I ever die
the last sound
I want to hear
before the pounding of the nails
is your musical “good bye Hugo”


Ah-bliss
If I ever die
the last thing
I want to see
before the darkness of the box
is the sparkle of
your eyes


Ah-bliss
If I ever die
the last thing
I want to touch
before the padded, white satin
is a strand of your
silky hair


Ah-bliss
If I ever die
the last thing
I want to say
before the deafening echo of the coffin
is a soft, soft, and long


I   l o v e y o u.


Ahhh bliss

The Vase

The vase

container of love

is broken

shattered

only scattered

pieces

here and there

I have many fragments

never enough

to rebuild

my vase

if you offer

the pieces

of your broken

vase

in gentle

collaboration

we can rebuild

Love.